Seagulls in Florida, who really like Goldfish crackersOh geez, where do I start. Look! I just did. There, hard part done. Nothin’ to it, this starting of things.

It’s finishing things I’m bad at. And when I say bad, I mean bad like a retarded epileptic quadriplegic house painter. The kind you feel bad for, until you realize it’s your house he’s painting. Then you clear your throat meaningfully and make broad hints that maybe you’d rather just finish it yourself, if it’s not too much trouble.

My divorce was final last month. I didn’t celebrate, because it’s a death in the family. Promises of forever and no matter what got sick many years ago, and after several rounds of chemotherapy, radiation, amputation, and reattachment, the patient succumbed to the cancer of fuckit. Marriage is like a race with no finish line, no witnesses to the really hard hilly parts, no referees, and you only win if your partner says you do. Which is nigh impossible with a dreadfully pessimistic control-minded narcissist as a partner. A joyful, educational, worthwhile, sorrowful, and costly 18 years have come to an end. I’ve come to terms with it, but it still sucks. It sucks all the more when the ex calls in her bi-polar fashion, happy and reasonable one minute, and moaning and wailing the very next. There’s no end to the emotional and financial bills she tries to present to me. Usually via 2 emails and 6 calls to my cell phone each day. It was worse when we were married, if you can believe that.

I’m going back to my old home state this week for Thanksgiving and to see friends & family. Driving this time, because it makes more financial sense – I’ll lose 14 hours of my time with driving, but won’t have to be herded through a line like a cow at the end of its moos, or rent a car, or be very careful about my schedule. So I’m almost looking forward to it. Plus which, there’s time with friends and family at the middle, so I have that going for me.

We had Thanksgiving at the Tiny House last night, because we won’t be all together for the Day Of. I’m very grateful for a gracious and flexible new family, a house overflowing with love, understanding, acceptance, and a fun grip on reality. We sing songs here, making up the words as we go. We cook really good food, and share it generously. We enjoy the everlovin’ snot outta life, and I want to live it all. Gone are the days of looking for an excuse to be elsewhere.

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