December 23, 2008
Posted by Biff Spiffy under Reality
I promise you, it will be awesome…
Here is the Holiday Post. It’s not a Festivus Pole, it’s not a hitching post, it’s more like a Post-It.
The tree is up and beautiful, the nativity scene is ready for LBJ to make his entrance, and there are gifts gathering at the foot of the tree. So we’re leaving.
It’s the first evar Christmas like this one, and I’m looking forward to whether it congeals into tradition or is a spike in the pie chart, so to speak. My first non-home Christmas will be spent in New York City, seeing sights, walking the cold cold streets, and taking in some City Life. Street knishes, buildings that are made into little souvenir statues, legendary storefronts, and the restaurant lottery (I’m not nearly good enough to remember the places that were recommended to us – maybe Stages Deli and Five Guys, and someone-or-other’s original pizza company), so it’s likely we’ll sit and eat wherever we happen to be when hunger strikes.
I hope you have a richly blessed week, and enjoy family.
December 10, 2008
Posted by Biff Spiffy under Blog
I just keep doing the same thing over and over.
Alright, well maybe not EXACTLY the same thing – but here again I’ve come to the point of tight pants and loose motivations. So, when the plan was announced to start up the Shrinking Piggies again, I jumped on it. I’mma lose some pounds and gain some health, and turn a chunk of my daily wasted time into worthwhile time.
One thing I’m not doing is thinking of this as a one-time magic bullet to blast my inner glutton to kingdom come. Oh no. He’s been with me a long time, and I have to figure out a way to make him happy without letting him keep me in husky pants (he tends to sabotage my efforts if he’s grumpy, the fat bastard). Time to welcome back common sense and honest effort. Hope they’re not still upset over the last time I kicked ’em to the curb…
December 8, 2008
Posted by Biff Spiffy under Blog
It’s been ages since I played along with one of these things. So when it ‘ploinked into my inbox, I figured it’s time. Play along you must, if read this you have. If you imagined that in Yoda’s voice you have to do it backwards.
46 ODD things about you (shouldn’t it be about me? Cuz as we all know, it’s all about me)
1. Do you like blue cheese? Occasionally. With buffalo wings.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Nope (that sounds like a good party icebreaker)
3. Do you own a gun? Only if you count a bb pistol.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Wha?
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope, but I’m turning 40 soon. That could all change.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Tasty Mystery Meat Inna Bun!
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Either Chuck Jones’ Grinch or Nightmare Before Christmas
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee, black please
9. Can you do push ups? Yep (checking to be sure…) *pant* yep
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Don’t own any
11. Favorite hobby? Stained glass, currently
12. Do you have A.D.D? Not diagnosed, per se…Look! A puppy!
13. What is one trait you hate about yourself? Procrastination, gotta be.
14. Middle name? Sean, after Sir Connery (mom had a crush on him)
15. What is your favorite TV show or movie? Mythbusters
16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. I was purchase free yesterday, as far as any Christmas-present-getting readers know.
17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, water, bourbon
18. Current worry? Lining up tomorrow’s work
19. Current hate right now? None
20. Favorite place to be? Home
21. Where would you like to go? Carribean cruise
22. Name three people who will complete this? No. You can’t make me.
24. What shirt are you wearing? Green St. Augustine sweatshirt
25. What year would you go back in time to? 1984
26. Can you whistle? Sometimes unintentionally
27. Favorite color? Octarine
28. Would you be a pirate? Er, no. Syphilis and rickets don’t interest me.
29. Favorite girl’s name? Wilhelmina
30. Favorite boy’s name? Herbert
31. Last thing you dreamed about? Leading a land expedition that was challenged by a sudden flood. The wagon sank.
32. What’s in your pocket right now? Warmth
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Tiff
34. Best Halloween costume? The scottish drunk – nearly authentic, but for the scottish part
35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Hip avulsion (a bit of hip bone snapped off where the muscle attaches)
36. Do you like where you live? Yesh
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2
38. Who is your loudest friend? Thomas
39. How many dogs do you have? One
40. Does someone have a crush on you? That’s what she says
41. What is your favorite book(s)? Going Postal by Terry Pratchett
42. What is your favorite candy? Kit Kat
43. Favorite Sports Team? Wolverines (even though they suck this year)
44. Favorite Sports? Football
45. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Drooling on my pillow
46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Must…poop…and (later) brush teeth.
December 3, 2008
Posted by Biff Spiffy under Wordsmiths
“Ooh, this place is busy! Look at the huge machines!”
Wanda was barely keeping up with her elderly aunt, and couldn’t yet see what she was talking about. They hiked through the ancient woods, going at a hurried stumble because Aunt Jeri thought strolling was for the lazy. She believed in covering all possible distances to make the most of one’s journey.
“What machines? Where? What do they do?” asked Wanda petulantly.
Aunt Jeri wheeled around and pointed angrily. “I’ve been showing you all kinds of things. Obviously, you haven’t been practicing,” she scolded. “Over there, you have a big metal monster, eating trees off a rack. Over there,” she said, spinning, “is where cut boards are stacked. Can’t you even smell the people? Hear the voices? Feel the rumble?”
Wanda sagged. “I have been practicing, but I can only do a few minutes at a time. It hurts my head.”
Aunt Jeri softened, remembering when she was young and nearly blind to the world before her. As she grew, she realized that there was always more to see. Her friends could never see what she did, but she learned to keep her discoveries to herself for fear of ridicule. Until Wanda was born, that is. The young girl didn’t know any better, and would comment on ghosts and objects that clearly weren’t there currently. Aunt Jeri took it upon herself to apprentice the young one, in hopes of readying her for the responsibility of Seer. The whole village depended on Jeri for their survival, for staying ahead of invasions and other disasters, and she knew she had already lived too many years.
“Look,” said Aunt Jeri gently. “Use your eyes, but not alone. Feel the life, listen to your imagination.” Wanda gazed in the direction her aunt had indicated, letting herself sink into the scene. She felt a wind at her back, growing from a whisper to a shriek, but without disturbing a single leaf around her. Images blurred by, jerking like a kid running with a flashlight. Her vision settled.
“I see a crumbling building; only bugs live in it.”
Aunt Jeri beamed. “Excellent. You’ve just gone past it. Back up about 100 years.”
Wanda resisted the urge to protest, to quit – the pressure behind her eyes was getting uncomfortable. She let her mind fall backward, slowly, trying to keep her balance while the images drunkenly lurched. Sounds of shouts and machinery came into focus, the smell of oil and sweat and sawdust, and finally the motion of a hundred men working. She and her aunt watched the process of progress for a few minutes. Aunt Jeri whispered, “Now let it flow faster, we’ll see what happens next.” The forest melted away, leaving a stark white building, which quickly grew dark, sagged, and gave way to the forest again. As the scene faded into the background, Wanda saw just what was before her: A thicket of brush and trees.
“Well done, dear. You’re getting the hang of farsight.”