This would be the December Wordsmiths challenge, as evidenced by the photo below which is remarkably similar to the image at right. The deadline is 1/15 – it’s not too late! Go write something!

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hands_holding_jarAnnie, Mr. Banks’ Executive Assistant, opened the door and stood aside for a nervous young man. He squirmed his way before the great mahogany desk and tried to pry his eyes from his own shoes.

Mr. Banks, not known for being mild-mannered, barked, “Well, kid? Whatcha got?”

Young Bill looked vaguely in the direction of Mr. Banks’ eyes and stammered, “I’m a salesman, uh, sir. I’m very good.”

“So far I’m not convinced, but Max recommended you, so let’s see what you can do,” said Banks. He scanned his office for something neither too valuable nor covered with papers, and reached for a stapler. “Sell this to me,” he demanded.

Bill took it gingerly, examined it for a moment, and nearly stapled his tie to his thumb. He regained his composure, cleared his throat, and began, “This fine stapler is indispensable in the modern office. Note its sleek lines, the polished black finish, and its ease of use. You’ll keep this nearby for years, and it’s a super value. Ahem.”

Mr. Banks scowled and snatched the stapler back from Bill’s sweaty hand. “That’s nice, kid. I’ve got no time for nice, people don’t open their wallets for nice. I need someone who will MAKE customers, not just sweet talk people. Beat it.” He punched the buzzer for Annie.

“B-but sir, I can do that for you. G-give me another chance. Let me try again,” said Bill, locking the door before Annie could come to show him out. He’d already been shown out of four offices today, and he was determined not to move back to Pennsylvania.

The cigar traveled to the other corner of Mr. Banks’ mouth, and he grunted. “Persistence is good. Here, sell me this… thing,” he said, gesturing to a glass jar on a shelf behind Bill.

Bill picked up the jar, set his jaw, and looked Mr. Banks in the eye. His eyes narrowed, and his face widened into a grimace that was nearly a smile and certainly a challenge. “HI, BILL HERE FOR THE FANTASTIC BANKS GLASS JAR. IT’LL HOLD ANYTHING YOU PUT INSIDE, WHETHER IT’S WATER, YOUR FAVORITE DRINK, CHEMISTRY EXPERIMENTS, OR EVEN FRESH AIR. YOU CAN KEEP IT ON A SHELF, YOU CAN STOW IT IN YOUR CAR, OR YOU CAN CARRY IT ABOUT TOWN. BRING IT TO CHURCH, SUMMER CAMP, FAMILY PICNICS, OR TO THE BIG GAME. ALL YOUR FRIENDS WILL WANT ONE, BECAUSE IT’S THE LIFE OF THE PARTY! EASY TO CLEAN, EASY TO FILL OR EMPTY, AND IT WILL ONLY POUR WHEN YOU TIP IT OVER LIKE THIS. ALL THIS FOR ONLY $19.95! BUT WAIT, IF YOU CALL NOW, I’LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER! THAT’S RIGHT, TWO AMAZING BANKS JARS FOR ONLY $19.95!

Mr. Banks caught the cigar before it fell to the stained carpet. He reached for the jar, set it carefully behind his desk, and passed a contract across the desktop.

“Sign right here. Welcome aboard, Mr. Mays.”

billymays

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